12 questions to ask before saying yes to a rishta

Ask early, not after the engagement

Most rishtas that break do not break over big things like deen or family. They break over small things nobody asked about: who works, which city, whose house. A few honest conversations before you say yes can save a lot of pain later.

1–3. Where and how you will live

1. 01Which city will we live in, and for how long?The biggest question when one of you is in a hometown and the other in a big city.
2. 02Will we live on our own, or with family at first?Neither is wrong. Not talking about it is.
3. 03If work takes one of us elsewhere, what then?Another city, or another country. Plan for it now.

4–6. Work and money

1. 01Do you want to work after nikah?And does your partner support that, fully?
2. 02How do you think about saving, spending and helping family?Two good people can have very different habits.
3. 03Is there any loan or big responsibility I should know about?Better to hear it now than discover it later.

7–9. Deen and daily life

1. 01What does deen look like in your day?Namaz, masjid, majlis, thaali: what is daily, what is weekly?
2. 02How involved do you want to be in the jamaat?Some families are at the centre of it, some are quieter.
3. 03How would we want to raise our children?Madrasah, school, language, values.

Two people can both say "I keep deen" and mean very different things.

10–12. Family and the future

1. 01How close are you to your family, and how often will we see them?Weekends, Eid, every summer?
2. 02When do you hope to have children?A gentle question, but an important one.
3. 03What does a good marriage look like to you, in one sentence?Often the most revealing answer of all.

Then, take your time

Talk it over with the people you trust. Pray on it. A good rishta does not need to be rushed.